I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
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