i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
