You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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