I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
