So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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