i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
