We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
