After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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