i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.