I'm really into asian looking animals
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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