you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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