the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
