im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
