she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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