So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
