Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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