matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he fucked my hip out of place.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
