How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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