I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
