So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
