You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
