I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
