u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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