I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
