i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
