Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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