You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
