Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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