I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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