I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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