You really coming over, don't trick.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
