The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
