Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
