even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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