If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
