i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So squirting runs in the family.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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