You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
