I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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