I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
