I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
