y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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