hell yes lets make some ravioli
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
