Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
