Already got asked if we're dating
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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