Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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