He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
