Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
