All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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