her vagine was all disorganized.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
