Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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