I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
