yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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