I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
