We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
