this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
