What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
