hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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