he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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