so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
