She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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