in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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