Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
