I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
