I smell stomach acid.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
