i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
