dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
