So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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