And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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