EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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