i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
