so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
