Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
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Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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