i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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