i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
