when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
