it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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