who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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