its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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