curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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