FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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