i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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