don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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