Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
