you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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