she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
